


Pieces

by caffeinefueledfeels



Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Post-Mission, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinefueledfeels/pseuds/caffeinefueledfeels
Summary: Kakashi comes home from a mission, and justbreaks. Of course, there's only one man who can pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 12
Kudos: 202





	Pieces

Kakashi forced his aching body to keep moving, to power through the fatigue that threatened to drag him to his knees. His clothes were filthy and bloodsoaked, clinging to his damp, cold skin and making him shiver. Distorted images of enemy ninja flashed through his mind on repeat. Eyes bulging out of their sockets as they struggled against death, faces pale and horrified, ~~just like Riin~~ , hands that desperately clung to him simply to feel the presence of another person, simply so they wouldn’t die alone. 

Kakashi shuddered. He stumbled down the darkened streets of the village, trying to ignore the way the familiar sights and smells of home only made him more agitated. 

Kakashi was a _weapon_. Kakashi was a double edged sword. He’d gutted dozens in only a matter of hours, and here he was, walking through his beloved village as if he wasn’t a danger to everyone around him. 

His apartment was close now. He could see the familiar outline of it against the dim night sky. Gai would be sleeping at this hour. 

The thought of his lover made Kakashi’s heart hammer in his chest, through not in a pleasant way. Fear soaked into his stomach, crawling up inside his ribcage and squeezing around his heart. 

_I’ll be quiet. He won’t see this, he won’t see me like this. It’ll be okay._

The words were flimsy at best and delusional at worst. But Kakashi soldiered on, mostly because that was all he had left at the moment, and climbed the stairs to his apartment door. 

The traps were undone quickly and silently, and replaced the moment Kakashi stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Immediately he moved for the bathroom, tossing his sandals and flak vest to the floor as he went. His headband was shoved from his head, hitting the floor with a muffled clatter, and letting his hair fall down into his face. 

He closed the door before turning on the light, filling the small bathroom with a blinding white glow, and then finally meeting his own eyes in the mirror. He looked haggard, worn to the bone, exhausted in a way that surpassed physical fatigue. A bruise was forming quickly just below his left eye, through he couldn’t remember where he got it. He looked down, and suddenly felt bile rising in his throat. 

His hands were _drenched_ in blood, the fabric of his combat gloves turning an impossibly deeper shade of black, rivulets of it still clinging to the metal protectors on his knuckles. He worked them off with shaking fingers, tossing them aside and stared horrified at his own hands, stained deep crimson with blood that had yet to fully dry. 

He reached for the faucet, leaving a sticky red smudge on the handle, and turned on the water. Kakashi thrust both hands into the stream, watching the water in the sink turn reddish pink, and began to furiously scrub at his hands. 

It just wouldn’t come off. Kakashi felt his breath quicken in his chest, a few tears gathered in his eyes. He scrubbed harder, working his bloodied fingers over and over each other, scraping away the coagulated mess, but there was always more. His hands were slippery with it now, it was staining the sink, the countertop, everything, everything it touched _stayed red._

Kakashi wheezed, closing his eyes. His heart was working too hard in his chest, adrenaline coursed through him but his exhausted body had nowhere to put it. He opened his eyes again, the tears in his eyes making everything a blurry, hazy mess of red and white light. 

“Kakashi?” A gentle voice called out from the doorway. Kakashi jerked violently, scrubbing his hands harder. 

_I don’t want him to see this. I don’t want him to see what I’ve done. He can’t, he’ll hate me-_

“Kakashi.” Footsteps moved closer, a warm presence hovered just a few centimeters away from his body. And finally, a big, familiar hand grazed over his shoulder blade. 

Kakashi doubled over the sink, and convulsed as vomit filled his mouth. Gai reached around to his face to yank his mask down, and Kakashi puked into the sink, breath coming in shallow, panicking gasps between convulsions. 

“Breathe, Kakashi.” Gai murmured, pressing close to his back, warm and steady, his arms coming around Kakashi to crush him closer, applying steady pressure to his chest. Kakashi choked out the last of his stomach contents, hands gripping the edge of the sink like a lifeline. He stared down at his hands, wheezing. 

“I’ve got you.” Gai murmured against the back of his neck, pressing a chaste kiss their. All at once, the tears threatening to spill over from Kakashi’s eyes began to fall, streaming down his face as he fought for air. 

Of course, only Gai could hold him together like this. Only Gai could wake up to find him in such a pitiful state, and instead of being repulsed, run forward to _hold him._ It was always him, always Gai, who else could be strong enough to pick up the pieces of him?

Emotion swelled in Kakashi’s chest, and he sobbed, still hyperventilating. His legs wobbled, and before he realized it, Gai was slowly guiding the both of them to the floor. He turned Kakashi in his arms, pulling him into his lap like a child. His bare skin was so warm it was almost hot against Kakashi’s cheek, as he buried his face in Gai’s neck, breathing him in. 

“Listen to my voice, my beloved.” Gai soothed, rocking him just slightly. His arms tightened around him, still giving that steady pressure that brought Kakashi back to earth and tethered him there. 

“I love you so much, you are so precious to me.” 

Kakashi sobbed again, an awful, broken breath fighting its way out of his chest. Gai pressed his cheek against the top of Kakashi’s head, the hand on his back rubbing in slow, soothing circles. Sweet nothings poured from his lips, filling Kakashi’s heart until it felt like it would overflow, creating an ocean around them. 

Gai’s heartbeat filtered into his senses, the comforting _whump-whump-whump_ beneath his cheek pleasantly familiar. His heart was so strong, so steady, so full of warmth and light and a river of love so powerful and unconditional that Kakashi swore he could drown in it.

Only Gai. Only Gai. Only Gai.

Only _Gai_. 

Slowly, Kakashi felt the hysteria seeping out of his chest and bleeding into the floor, replaced by a fragile exhaustion. Gai’s hand wandered up to stroke his hair, running his fingers through the tangled, dirty strands before finally coming to rest on the back of his neck. 

“Kakashi?” He asked softly, his voice laced in worry. 

“Yeah.” Kakashi whispered back, still resting his forehead against Gai’s neck. 

“Talk to me, my love.” 

Kakashi huffed a shaky breath, pressing closer to Gai’s warmth, hiding his face as he gave a miniscule shake of his head. 

“That’s okay. We can talk when you’re ready. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Gai tightened his hold on Kakashi’s shoulders, working one arm under Kakashi’s knees, and standing up with a grace only a taijutsu master could have. 

Kakashi was placed on the toilet seat, Gai peppered his face with kisses as he gently pulled off Kakashi’s shirt over his head, taking the opportunity to wipe the worst of the remaining blood from Kakashi’s hands as discreetly as possible. 

In moments, Kakashi was completely undressed, letting Gai run his hands over his body, looking for serious wounds. He sat motionless as Gai felt over his ribs, brushing his palm over a cloud of dark purple bruises. 

Once he seemed satisfied that Kakashi was physically sound, Gai turned to the shower, turning on the water and leaving it running as he stepped out of his sweatpants. 

“Come on, it’s alright.” He soothed, taking Kakashi’s arms and tugging him to his feet, guiding him into the shower. A moment later, Gai was working soap into his hair, standing behind him while Kakashi let the shower stream pound against his chest. 

“Thank you.” Kakashi said suddenly, startling Gai from his task. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” 

“Don’t worry about that, my beloved.” He rumbled, leaning close to kiss Kakashi’s shoulder, his chest resting against Kakashi’s back. “I will always be here to take care of you when you need me.” 

Kakashi made a muffled noise of affection, that familiar bubble of emotion in his chest swelling at Gai’s words. He leaned back into Gai’s body, enjoying the way their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together, like they were built with each other in mind. Gai’s hand slid down from his shoulder to his wrist, very carefully running over his hands. 

_That_ made Kakashi want to cry again. 

Instead he closed his eyes, letting his head fall against Gai’s shoulder as Gai cleaned the final remnants of his mission from his hands and arms. Finally satisfied, he reached around Kakashi to turn the water off, stepping out and handing him a towel.

Kakashi’s eyes fell on the sink, which was still stained horribly, a sick mess smeared across its interior walls and making him shudder. Gai stepped into his line of sight, soaking wet and all glistening muscle and soft eyes. 

“Just go get into bed, I’ll clean up in here.” 

Kakashi wrapped the towel tighter around his body and nodded. 

Their bedroom was dark and warm, familiar, the curtains half opened to let a few beams of moonlight slice through the shadows. His eyes wandered over their bed, taking in the sheets that were haphazardly tossed aside, the pillows arranged on his side of the bed to form a body shaped lump. 

Kakashi whimpered. Gai had been spooning his pillow. Gai _missed him_ when he left. He wasn’t a weapon to Gai, he wasn't a sword to be used in battle and then pushed into some dark corner. He was loved. He was _missed_. He was a person Gai held close to his heart, no matter where he went. 

Kakashi sniffled, rubbed his face with his arm, and then went about toweling his hair dry. He pulled one of Gai’s soft t-shirts out of their dresser, pulling it over his head and gritting his teeth at the protest of his sore muscles. The fabric was worn and comforting, just slightly too big on him, and he brought the fabric to his face to breath in its scent. 

Now, once again, he could feel the heavy tug of exhaustion everywhere in his body. Even more so since his panic attack. With a long sigh, Kakashi crawled into their bed, collapsing down amongst the pillows and pulling the blankets over his body. A few minutes later, the bedroom door creaked open, Gai stepping inside, wearing his sweatpants again. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, joining him in their bed and leaning down to kiss his temple. Kakashi rolled over to face him, sliding an arm over his side and giving him a small, soft smile. 

“Better.” He murmured, “I’m just tired now.” 

“Then let’s get some sleep.” Gai said kindly, kissing his forehead and pulling Kakashi close to his chest. 

“I love you.” Kakashi whispered, eyes closed. Gai’s arms tightened briefly around him. 

“And I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> "If I relaxed my body now, I'd fall apart. I've always lived like this, and it's the only way I know how to go on living. If I relaxed for a second, i'd never find my way back. I'd go to pieces, and the pieces would be blown away. Why can't you see that?" 
> 
> \- Haruki Murakami, from Norwegian Wood


End file.
